Weddings have become extremely expensive events, the average one costs $25,000.00. When there is that much money involved, misunderstandings, disagreements and disappointments become much more common. And, these misunderstandings can happen between the families being joined leading to angry and hurt feelings that can last months, years and sometimes a lifetime. To prevent a financial and emotional meltdown before your wedding even happens, follow these suggestions.
1. Be Realistic: From the beginning, decide on the amount of money that can be spent on your wedding and related events and who is financially responsible for what. What are brides' family responsible for and can they cover it? What are the grooms' family responsible for and can they cover it? What do the bride and groom want to contribute? Once you have an overall amount, you can begin to decide what your priorities are. So, if you want a large wedding on a very limited budget, you may have to make creative decisions around venue and catering. One couple decided to have a large wedding at their home and instead of an expensive venue. They rented a tent and chairs. The money they saved then allowed them to spend more on a caterer. Another couple decided on simple candle centerpieces for the reception tables instead of flower arrangements which allowed them to spend more money on a band.
2. Plan, plan, plan: Planning an event of this magnitude requires months, sometimes more than a year. Start early and take a team approach. Break the events down into lists and decide who is responsible for what--there are many wedding planning books available that are very helpful with this. The more time you allow and the more organized you are with your lists, the less stress and confusion will occur. And even in the most planned weddings, the unexpected happens. One brides' parents went to check out an outdoor bluff overlooking the ocean that they had rented from a small, coastal city only to find the bluff had been turned into a construction site two days before the wedding. After many hysterical phone calls and frantic moving, the site was returned to its original state except for the addition of two outhouses sitting in the middle. So both families got together and decorated the outhouses with hardhats and wedding veils the night before the wedding and then went to the rehearsal dinner much more connected then they ordinarily would have been.
3. Research: Find out what is available in your area for wedding venues, caterers, reception venues etc. and then compare and contrast. Use the internet to find less expensive or unique touches for your wedding. If you are one of lucky few whose dreams and budgets match, congratulations--this will be a fun and relatively painless process. However, if you are more in the majority of couples where your dreams may be larger than your budget, take heart--diligent research can allow you to have your dream wedding on your budget in most cases. Finding creative ways to fulfill your dreams is part of the fun. For example, one couple wanted to make a statement with their invitations. It was a winter wedding and they wanted something vibrant. They found a beautiful, red pocket folder kit online that allowed them to print their own invitation. By doing this, they achieved the fun but elegant look they wanted for 50% less than they would have paid for a printed invitation.
4. Communicate the good, the bad, and the ugly: As the months pass, good communication skills are crucial. When communicating anything to anyone, start first with connection and a gentle lead in: "Hi Marge, how are you? Yeah, I'm tired too. Listen, we have a challenge--the wedding venue burnt down last night. I know, I'm in shock but deep breathing a lot. I think we need an emergency meeting over here tonight to brain storm what we can do."; "Hi, Bill how are you? I'm a little in shock right now, Cindy just presented me with the caterers' revised estimate and it's 70% higher than we budgeted for. I'm wondering if we can get together with you and your wife and revisit the wedding budget."
Try and avoid blame, shame, denial or despair. Stick to the big goal, a wedding that is a joyful, beautiful, and affordable, celebration of love.
5. Acknowledge:Everyone involved in the wedding needs to be acknowledged either privately, publicly or both by the bride and groom. Remembering and planning this will save you from dealing with hurt or angry feelings after the wedding. Weddings are very emotional affairs and everyone can be more sensitive then they would be under normal circumstances. The key to this is to not take anything for granted and to be very expressive of your gratitude. Publicly and privately thank both sets of parents; thank your wedding party with personal gifts; personally thank Aunt Mary for coming all this way for the wedding, etc. And of course, follow up with Thank You cards. You can't over thank so err on the generous side.
Follow these suggestions and celebrate your wedding in a way that brings everyone together during the event and encourages these new relationships to flourish long after the wedding is over.
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For beautiful and affordable DYI Invitation kits visit http://www.weddingbellinvitations.com and stop by my All Things Wedding Blog for reviews of products, interviews and relationship tips. Kathleen Ball is a marriage counselor and Wedding Officiant. This aricle may be freely reprinted or distributed in its entirety in any Ezine, newletter, blog, or website. The author's name, bio and website links must remain intact and be included with every reproduction.
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